Today is very demorale. Really very tired liao. Yesterday after see doctor, always had negative ans. Always is not gd de. Very sian. Today work overall was ok. But received a call from Joe my manager. Wanted to see me. When to his office, then realised he got the wrong person. Was saying something about system thing. And wanted stella to monitor the system. So that was it. Planned to go east coast after work, to take a stroll. to enjoy the sea breeze. In the end it was raining. I dont want to go there on raining season. Cos there may be a possibilities of having frog there. So dismiss the idea. In the end i took 228. and drop down at the primary school there. Then took a walk home. To think about my things. To think of the decision thing.

Reach home, took a bath. Receive jinfeng call. ask me to send her some things using msn. So send loh. After that slack and day dream. i just can't dismiss the thought of suicide.... I know the consequences. But sometime even if u know that it is wrong, u still will do it. When a person has reach it maximum limits, will choose the other way. I dont know what to do. Trying to cool my self down, but i can't. i just feel so frustrated. So lost. Sometime even if u wish to live, but it is not in yr control. And sometime when it is time to leave, u can only sit there and wait for the time to reach. I really have a lot of regrets. And decision that i have regrets. But all i can say is, that is all too late. All too late.

Maybe i have no one who is experienced in these things to guide me, so i choose the wrong path, and i cant turn back anymore. Too late. Time will not turn back for me. But it will keep on going. I really dont wish to waste my time at home and doing nothing. But i cant help it. I am moodless, i don't wan to go outside and spoil people mood. And my body is nto as good as last time. I will just keep quiet and suffer myself. Since even if i were to say out, no one can understand the pain. So really no point. I dont need any pity, any sympathy. And no one likes to hear people grumble and grumble. I myself also dont like.

Life is unfair. And people are unfair. They do things unfair too. I dont believe in this word "fair". You may feel that u r being treated unfairly. But did u treat other people fairly?? i ask myself this question..... Do u hav an ans yrself. I can always feel the unfairness. No matter is in wat situation. Be it work, family, and other and other things......... I had enough of all this. If i really cant vent out, cant get to cool down. I am going crazy sooner or later. I dont know what i will do. What should i do.

Help me