Now is sat 7am in the morning. Was supposed to wake up at 8. But i cant get to slp. So wake up and blog loh. haha........... Very tired leh. But think got used to it liao. Wake up early and slp early. This stupid routine life. aiyo............. *faint*........... Later still need to go back to office. Need to Do some Ot today. Till 2PM. Sian man, thought can rest on this sat. But no, still hav to work........ No choice loh. For the future mah......... Kanna delay again. Always like that de. Wanna meet then cancel again. So sian. Their life style seems like always same de. Isn't exercise gd. U dont even know the weather yet. Then cancel liao. Means, YOU are telling me that u actually dont wish to go de. It is becos that guy is going then we go. Now weather not gd, so we change to other outing. *Pui* sucks to the max man. Got sick and tired liao. I wont ask them liao. Even if they wanna confirm, I can confirm. But dont blame me if i put aeroplane.

having flu and coughing. But not serious. got headache but not fever. Still ok still. wish to rest..... A big rest. Labour day is coming, but too bad it falls on tues. Not monday. If not can hav long weekend le. haha............

Thur accompany hua go buy hoon present. Went to tampines to buy. This girl, she was late, so no choice, i had to ait for her. Then went to yoshinoya to eat my dinner. Then shop till 9.30. Till it close then we manage to get everything, Luckily ah................ Sit outside to hav a puff. Then was waiting for jass. But the moment she got here. She suan and suan me. Hua face was like not happy. She actually had the power to make hua angry. Then i was fed up by the way she was talking. So we left. and didnt say much. Hua say she cannot come up to our house. Haha..... so Means she cannot come up. She leave a very bad impressions for hua. And i think not only her. But almost everybody around me dont really like her. Think she really got attitude pro man.

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Today is monday blues. I forgot to bring my jacket to work. Makes me feel so cold. Was freezing to death. Somemore afternoon, was raining heavily outside. which make the office even colder. Aiyo. Fainted...........Headache siah...... Luckily still can take it. But like going to become frozen pig liao. haha.......... Was not really so busy today la. monday was finally ver liao. haha...... yes!! waiting for friday to come man. Keke........

So long nv drink liao. really miss those drinking days. Those days where me and wen go for drinking...... Really wish to drink. Even a glass i also happy de. Know that i cant drink. But really feel like. Need to destress de mah...... But i really dont know la.... See how ba......

Lots of horror movies coming up soon....... last week sat when to watch movies with wen. The show start with T de. Was a very gross show. I nearly vomitted. But made a vomit sound out. Was so peisei, but really very gross...... luckily at that time i nv eat anything. if not really will have no appetite to eat anymore liao. haha......... Then chat till about 4am. Quite a long chat........ From 11++ we finish the show, walk to her house nearby... then the meeting start liao...... haha......... think will be having movies session for these weeks. keke.... many nice show man..... keke.......

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Feeling very low. Don't know what is happening. I am going to burst soon. My head is load with too many things to think. Decision i have to make. Be it big or small. I dont kn ow what to do. Dont know who tell. As i hav to settle myself. Really very stress. What should i do. Going crazy..... Feeling very frustrated, feeling very vexed. Feel that i am alone living in this fucking world. Iam totally lost. with no directions for me to choose. Really wish to end it all. But that will be letting my parents and sisters down. I really dont know what i can do.

I really dont wish to see doctor, but i dont have a choice. I hate going. i hate to be living. I hate that all the choices is so hard to decide. I hate that i have to be suffering this illness. I hate that i am so weak. I hate myself to hell.

what the hell am i doing.... i dont know.... i have no ans myself.

Today is very demorale. Really very tired liao. Yesterday after see doctor, always had negative ans. Always is not gd de. Very sian. Today work overall was ok. But received a call from Joe my manager. Wanted to see me. When to his office, then realised he got the wrong person. Was saying something about system thing. And wanted stella to monitor the system. So that was it. Planned to go east coast after work, to take a stroll. to enjoy the sea breeze. In the end it was raining. I dont want to go there on raining season. Cos there may be a possibilities of having frog there. So dismiss the idea. In the end i took 228. and drop down at the primary school there. Then took a walk home. To think about my things. To think of the decision thing.

Reach home, took a bath. Receive jinfeng call. ask me to send her some things using msn. So send loh. After that slack and day dream. i just can't dismiss the thought of suicide.... I know the consequences. But sometime even if u know that it is wrong, u still will do it. When a person has reach it maximum limits, will choose the other way. I dont know what to do. Trying to cool my self down, but i can't. i just feel so frustrated. So lost. Sometime even if u wish to live, but it is not in yr control. And sometime when it is time to leave, u can only sit there and wait for the time to reach. I really have a lot of regrets. And decision that i have regrets. But all i can say is, that is all too late. All too late.

Maybe i have no one who is experienced in these things to guide me, so i choose the wrong path, and i cant turn back anymore. Too late. Time will not turn back for me. But it will keep on going. I really dont wish to waste my time at home and doing nothing. But i cant help it. I am moodless, i don't wan to go outside and spoil people mood. And my body is nto as good as last time. I will just keep quiet and suffer myself. Since even if i were to say out, no one can understand the pain. So really no point. I dont need any pity, any sympathy. And no one likes to hear people grumble and grumble. I myself also dont like.

Life is unfair. And people are unfair. They do things unfair too. I dont believe in this word "fair". You may feel that u r being treated unfairly. But did u treat other people fairly?? i ask myself this question..... Do u hav an ans yrself. I can always feel the unfairness. No matter is in wat situation. Be it work, family, and other and other things......... I had enough of all this. If i really cant vent out, cant get to cool down. I am going crazy sooner or later. I dont know what i will do. What should i do.

Help me

Yesterday sat. Morning woke up at 7am. Then meet wen at 8am. Went for breakfast. Then go for our theory classes. Finish at 12++. Then toko bus to bedok, and slack till 2pm. Then she go off for classes. Went home to rest. then meet her up again at night. We went for movies. We watch the show the reaping. Thought it was a horror movies. But turn out it was a more like christian storybase 1. But overal was still ok la. Then went to slack and chat agian. Told her about jack thing. Then she was like not so happy. Keep on say that she will be alone and she will be very sad. I really dont know what to do. keep on haiz..... i am really at a loss. But i and him also is friends now. no progress at all. So i think she think to much le. And even if i hav bf i will also try to find time and meet up. And not dont care friends.

Today stayed at home and rest. Jinfeng came and visit me. Ask me to help her pull some songs into her mp3 player. And chat. Left about 8++.

Now slacking at home and watch tv.....haha

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Quite some time nv blog le. Last week nv go out. The gd friday thing. Sat not feeling well, so stay at home. Today was okok. But the weather was so cold. Rain and rain. Was quite tired lately. Nv really slp well. Dont know why morning always very tired. I think i dail a couple of call to other but i was sleeping and i think i nv lock my phone, then accident call out. Oops.... Haha.........

Contact back with jack. Was my colleagues at kimage salon. And chat through sms. Sent me his pic. He really change. Look more trendy le. Haha..... Got a shock by his sms. He still remember me, and he still hav my number........... haha..... and he say he still remember my face....... really ma?????

Having headache and headache, wan to cry liao. walalalalalala........ ahhhhhhhhhhh.......... Hmm..... so long nv go swimming le..... so long nv play badminton le. So long nv cycle le. i really slack le. Not so active like last time liao..... Dont like this. Yesterday wed 11 apr 07. After work, i walk home. When erach home, my whole face and body is all sweat... aiyo. i see the mirror, i also got a shock.... scary man... haha..........

memory really is bad. but still always trying to refreshing my memory.....please forgive me if i forget anything. and if can, can tell me and help me in the process of refreshing my memory. keke....

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Yes..... Tom no need to work. Is gd friday. So enjoy. Finally can rest. Take a break. Really need a rest. Had my hair dye. See so many white hair. I also wan to faint liao. Dye brown. Then trim my hair. That person cut my fringe till so short. Is above eye. Like kid like that. Make me so fed up. But no choice. Already cut liao. Hav to wait for it to long again loh.

Yesterday nite hav slp walking. Infact i was running. My mum saw it, and told me this morning. Maybe yesterday played too much. This girl keep on pull my ear. tickle my ear, till my ear is red. My ear is sensitive, so i dont let people touch. Haha........ Then played. Till night time like that liao. hahaha......... But today ok liao.

Need to see doctor soon, Going tom morning. So sian..... see him again. Realy dont wish to. But got a lot of things to ask him. and see what is his next " instructions" so no choice. Still hav to wake up early tom. so sad.......

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