Office these few days is so slack. Not much things to do. But although nothing much to do, but we still need to OT today. OT till 8pm........... So tired and so bored. Sit there waiting for everything to complete. Very sian, need to go back to office this sun. Got PI, So sickening. Sunday is my rest day. In the end have to go back. Somemore so early at 8am.

Very very tired. Had a bad dream yesterday. I dream of the person that killed me. Since young i always dream of a thing kill me. Pushed me down from a blk. And i died..... Yesterday i finally saw the face. The real face. That person i actually know de. So scary. Really dont know how to cope. Very scary.......... Makes me very blur and stone today. Keep on think.

Have been thinking of something these few days. But no outcome. Think i am dying. I think i really going to cannot take it soon. Keep on go see doctor also no use de. Having serious headache. I can endure all pain but not headache. I hate headache. Can say going to be migraine. It just make me so frustrated. I cant concentrate. It mkes me feel giddy. And my memory really sucks to the max. Dont like this. I may forget things fast, and sooner or later i will surely forgets everyone de.

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Going crazy soon. Doctor are so useless. Makes me so sad, makes me so lost. What am i supposed to do. I am so frustrated. I feel that i am useless. I hate it. I dont like it. I dont like everyone. Everyone dont like me.

Nv go out today. Really to weak to go out. Took a rest at home today. Having headache, Been having headache everyday since i took the medicine. Really going crazy soon. Memory going down and down. Really so worried. Worried that 1 day, i dont even remember who i am. After some incident i really get to know that people is evil and really would only treat themselves gd, would lie to get what they wan. That is very scary. They say 1 thing and do 1 thing. Always dont mean what they promised. So unbelievable.

Life is so unpredictable, so scary. So fragile. Everything is rubbish.... all rubbish.....

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Today felt very tired. In the morning after breakfast. Felt very tired. Going to doze off soon. Te medicine still left 1 pack. Means at least 2 weeks ba...... Dont know need to eat how long still.

Yesterday had a very weird dreams..... Dont know why will have this kind of dreams. Can say is a funny 1. haha....... Right my husband............ Feeling down now. Dont know why. Felt very moodless. Very sian. Must be that stupid medicine, make me sian, make me tired.

But still lucky. From 3 pills change to 1. The effects is too big liao. Luckily i go and check. If not wait till things go super wrong. It will be another different case liao............. so sickening. sososososososo sickening.

Miss u 2 always....

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Today work was ok. Not so busy. Nv really do anything. Just purely key and key. Today all very tired. Stone and stone. Haha........ Medicine dont know why the medicine nv able to finish de. Still considering whether to lock my blog. Only those who has password can access. cos i dont wan anyone also can access. Really got someone really access. And told one of my friend. Then i got to know about it. SO very sickening... Keep on ask about my things.......

Been thinking of 2 persons. Dont know y....... They keep on come to my mind...........

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Today at work was ok. Hala with shan at office. haha... Feel very tired at 11+++am. When reach 12pm. Finally went to take a small nap. Woke up and still feel tired. But not so tired. Then stone for a while, then continue to hala again. Today is friday night. But i feel so tired. Dont know what is happening. Have been feeling tired. SO easily tired. Like all my energy had been drained out liao. I have only me to myself. No one who can chat with. I have a feeling that people dont likes to talk with me. And maybe i am a nuisance to people ba. I don't need people to pity and i dont need people to fake with me.

If u dont like me, you can just say it right at my face. And everything will just end. No matter what kind of relationship we are.

Sinking deeper and deeper........... Really dont like the me now. And i wan to die.. So weird me.... i cant take it anymore. i will stop here

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Today had Macdonald for breakfast. Very filling. After eating the medicine, feel very stone. Like my mind went blank. Don't know what is happening. Just keep on key and key. Then keep no yawn and yawn. Aiyo....... The weather outside doesn't seems gd. Think going to rain soon. I think i am going to lose all my friends. I dont keep in contact liao. And drifting apart with everyone. Like to slack. More lazy and lazy.... Its been so long since i went swimming. Think going to plan 1 days go swimming. I like swimming so much. But think got 1 yr nv go liao.

Office very quiet today. All either busy or too tired. Now going to doze off soon.......

I will stop here

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Feel Very tired still. Don't know why. Shift my room again. Really feel that the previous arangement is not gd. Now shift liao. Feel better. Father also say this arrangement looks better. He help me to shift yesterday. Many people ask me y i nv go out yesterday. Cos i really dont feel like going out yesterday. Feel very sian and tired. Feel like resting at home.

Receive her message a few days ago. She told me that she miss me a lot and she regret that she didn't spend more time with me. And that she is not a gd friend. And she promised that this yr will be a gd yr for me. She will be a gd friend. And not neglect me and take me for granted. But in the end wat i see. things are still the same. I rather she don't say anything. That will be better. She always make me happy then pull me down again. And even deeper than before. I really dont know what to say about her. Why she wan to treat me this way. What is the term baobei. What does that means to her. She say it stand a place in her heart. I doubt it. Guys and friends are more important than me. I can see with my eyes. She can spend time going out with her friend and no matter how tired she is, she still can find time to meet her guys friend. but not me. And i feel ok. But she say that then do this. Is like she is playing with me. I hate that. She like to lie to me. I always feel that way. Always using me. She always got excuse that working is tired. Wat the fuck is that lousy reasons. She can go out, she can talk on the phone with her friends till 3 - 4 am. She told me this shit. What the hell man.

She really spoil my mood. But i am not going to care her anymore. Fuck care her what she say. Even if something is going to happen to her, i also wont help her. She got friends who will help her. She dont appreciate me, then i also wont care her. She will be out of my life. Even if she is call baobei, she will be the least important.

My family will comes first, then relatives. then friends, then her.

****** and me is really drifting apart. Dont know y. I feel that we got no things to talk. and she always like not happy de. I dont know is it that i make her unhappy. I am tired of guessing. I dont know what is happening. And she doesn't talk much. What she wan me to do. Y must i be the 1 to make decision whenever we go out. I dont like this way.

I believe difficult times will be over soon. Maybe this time i should calm myself and just be a gd girl and spend more time with my mummy. Haha....... Like to disturb her. And see she shy also. haha. Maybe this way she happy i also happy.

Nagging over here...... I will stop here

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Today was not so busy. Morning finally took the medicine. It was so terrible. After taking for a while. I feel my head is so heavy. feel like vomitting. I cannot concentrate. I feel so tired. But when i wan to slp. I cant get to slp at all. Feeling terrible. Dont know if that is so negative. If it doesn't suit my body. Really so tired. Hearing sentimental music all the day. Just wan to relax myself. And will feel better. Very shack. Thinking what i should do. So terrible. How to continue eating. And the medicine is so smelly. The smell is unbearable. Dont know how to carry on. But no choice. I still have to. I know that i cant break down like that. If not i will disappoint alot of people. i hav to stay strong. I dont wan to cry anymore. Enough is enough.

Receive a sms from baobei, Find it very weird. Dont know y she suddenly say like that. But nv ask much also.

I will stop here

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Today working was ok. Not so busy. Finally settled down liao. Yesterday was very busy. So shack. Today went to see doc. Told that i had to take pills everyday. I hate it. Totally hate. Somemore ask me to eat in the morning. Will make me sick man. Wan to faint liao. Must finish the pills. Then will see the reaction. Then will know whats the next step. aiyo..... Faint liao.....

Y like that......... Hope that these days will pass soon.

i will stop here

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Yesterday sat meet wen in the late evening. So cold yesterday. keep on raining. Got caught in the rain while walking to ktv there. Wen got drenched also. We wen to room 2 to sing. Something eerie happen. We hear a man voice at the room. It is not loud but we can hear. It seems to come from the speaker above us. So i decide to hear, to see if there is any weird sound. But i hear nothing. I only hear the music that we sang. Feel so scary. Wen and i look at each other. The sound look like indian music but not sure if it is. We can hear but it is not clear. There was once we hear a voice. A man singing the song. His voice is very deep. The sound is not all the way. Sometime we can hear, sometime we cannot hear anything. It was very irritating. In the end we faster sang finish then faster left the room. After that we discussed about it. I still feel eerie. And something happen. My hp suddenly change to camera mode. When i didnt do anything. We were still in the ktv room. I was so scared. Wen ask me to relax, said that she is there. I was like so stoned. After coming out, then i check if there was any photo taken. But lucky there was no pic taken.

After that , went to my house nearby to chat. keep on kanna disturb by the fly. Going crazy. I alerady kill 2 fly liao. And there is 1 "xiao chiang" keep on running about. But luckily nv climb up. We chat till 3++. off we go. Home sweet home.

Had a gd chat. Many lame things...... we really think too extrodinary...... haha..... anything also can think......

i will stop here

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Yesterday fri, working was so busy. Don't hav much time to rest. Know that mon will be very busy also. So sun must rest more. If not mon will cry ah........ Fri went to collect the pic. wash pic to put in my wallet de. Very nice. My whole family pic. Today woke up very early. Just can't get to slp as downstair was so noisy. Do my house work. Throw away the things that i don't want. Trying to make my room more spacious. Till now...... Finally get to sit down and rest. Had a very gd bath. SO comfortable....... using computer......

Been thinking alot lately. Been feeling very tired mentally. But after sweating out today, feel better, and listening to smoothing music, really relax me. Just feel better, more stressless.....
although the problem is not solved. But i believe it will 1 day. I pray for a miracle. A very big miracle. I need lots of time. And if i make anyone frustrated or angry pls accept my apology and pls tolerate with me. i am trying to overcome this big obstacle. Hope that u all will bear with me and grow with me together.

Decided to take driving lessons. Money will be tight again. Have to plan my money wisely. Think will hav to spend less. Having a weird dreams last nite. hope that it won't come true. If not it will be scary. i am trying to figure out if u are sincere with me. I am not gd at judging people, that is why i always get cheated, get betrayed. i don't know if i can trust u. So i dont say much and i dint say my things or feelings out to u. But i think as time goes by, maybe i will start to trust u more. In fact i am very insecure with people, i tend to keep my things inside me. It feel more secure and won't hear people spreading my things out. Or watsoever........

I don't know if this is right, but i am trying to think of wat i should do now. And wat my future lies.... if i hav a future.

i will stop here

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